White Noise
by justcourbeau
Summary: September, 1978. The Marauders and Co. try to sneak back into the tower after curfew. The Fat Lady is not amused. They do a good job of entertaining her, mostly by accident. Music choices are entirely era-appropriate hits.


Guide to deciphering what the actual fuck is going on in the following scenario:

 **Bold: Only the Good Die Young - Billy Joel, 1977, Sirius and Marlene**

Underlined: Take A Chance On Me – ABBA, 1978, James and Lily

 _Italicized: Three Times a Lady – Lionel Ritchie, 1987, Remus (as sung by Chris Evans in What's Your Number)_

Music choices are entirely era-appropriate hits and this makes me unbelievably happy.

* * *

 **September, 1978.**

"No pinching, _no pin_ – Ouch!" James jumped as Sirius grinned from behind him. "Sirius, you wanker."

"Constant state of being, mate," his dark haired friend replied with a self-satisfied smirk hitched into place.

"Will you two cut it out?" Lily broke her conversation with Marlene off in the middle of her sentence as they mounted the last set of stairs on their way back to the Common Room.

Summer had just ended and the group's last September was well underway. The seventh years were simultaneously straddling the elated feeling of being almost done, the melancholy thoughts of _last_ everythings and the absolute paralysing realization that they were nearly adults out in the real world, and in the middle of a war, no less.

They spent the summer at James Potter's country house – all _together_ , to James' delight – flying his father's broom collection, lounging by his pool and raiding the pantry despite the protests from the house elves. Marlene and Alice joined them quite a lot, and toward the end, Frank Longbottom as well. Lily enchanted a muggle radio to play without electricity, and Sirius had remained attached to it like she'd put a permanent Sticking Charm on it, cranking it up whenever one of his favourite hits came on.

As they turned into the Fat Lady's corridor, James tugged her a little closer and dropped a peck to the top of her head, making a flush bloom on her cheeks brightly. The chatting from the group died down as they approached their portrait, the late evening sun still hot on their cheeks from their afternoon by the lake.

"Just _where – hic –_ have you been?"

The Fat Lady swayed gently on her pedestal and Remus snorted loudly, the sound muffled a moment later when Marlene elbowed him in the ribs and Alice slapped a hand over his mouth.

"My Dear Lady," Sirius stepped up quickly, a glint in his eye, closely followed by Peter who flourished his arms dramatically at Sirius' words, "we have been on many an adventure this night and politely request admittance to your _inner chambers_."

Lily scoffed and heard the shuffles from the rest of the group as they stifled their laughter.

"Sirius Black, you horrid flirt," the Fat Lady hiccupped again and swooped rather forward. Lily found herself wondering what would happen if she came too close to the group of teenagers; could portraits hit the front of the canvas?

"I wouldn't dream of it, Lettie," Sirius winked dramatically, his dark hair flooping over into his eyes. Lily cast her own skyward, a laugh light on her lips.

"I shan't – _hic_ – be letting you in – _hic_ – without the password," the portrait lady looked away from the group dramatically, as if dismissing them.

"Horny toad," Lily announced, rolling her eyes and fixing James with an exasperated look; he had been the one to pick the first password, seeing as he was Head Boy. He gave her a devilish grin.

"Incorrect," the Fat Lady chirruped happily.

"What?" James gasped, whipping his head around to stare at the portrait as well, his gloating smirk evaporating. "No, you said I could use that one! Don't you remember, just this morning -"

"I think I'd remember something like _that_ – _hic_ – young man," the painting chastised.

"You're no fun," Peter commented offhandedly.

" _I'm_ no fun?" the Fat Lady replied, slurring slightly. " _You're_ no fun."

"We're plenty of fun – thought you'd know that by now," Sirius drawled, applying the charm again.

"I haven't a clue what you're talking about," the Fat Lady tossed back easily and Sirius' feathers ruffled. Without looking over, he handed Remus the leather jacket he had been carrying over his shoulder with one lazily hooked finger, and there was a beat of silence as the portrait and the oldest Black boy remained unblinking.

"Right," Sirius nodded, determined, as if he'd just made up his mind about something and was going to stand strong in the face of adversity.

"Oh boy," Lily murmured and Remus snorted again, shifting the jacket and watching his friend.

Sirius started humming, a little unsure for a moment before he got into it and his foot started tapping along with him. After a few seconds, Lily could pick out the introduction notes to Only the Good Die Young and she felt a summer-warm laugh start to roll around in her gut.

This was one of the songs at the top of the hits during the summer - Sirius would insist everyone listen to it whenever it came on, rushing over to the old stereo, swim trunks sopping wet and dripping or drink spilled on the patio stones from the vehement reaction.

Alice caught on in a snap and started humming, making Sirius turn at the nasally sound of it.

" **Come out, Virginia, don't let 'em wait**

 **You Catholic girls start much too late**

 **But sooner or later, it comes down to faith**

 **I might as well be the o-o-o-one…"**

Sirius gave the Fat Lady a dazzlingly dramatic wink and started slapping his thigh in time to the beat. Marlene laughed. Motioning for herself and Sirius nodded excitedly.

" **Well, they showed you a statue, told you to pray**

 **They built you a temple and locked you away**

 **But they never told you the price that you'd pay**

 **For things that you might have do-o-o-one…"**

" **Only the good die young,"** Sirius joined her again.

" **That's what I said!**

 **Only the good die young**

 **Only the good die young…"**

Remus was full on laughing and James looked like they had struck gold. Peter was watching things unfold with a look of happy disbelief on his face but the Fat Lady remained unimpressed.

"That wasn't fun enough," she stated monotonously, rolling her eyes.

Sirius' mouth dropped open in the new silence, as they died down.

"How rude," Marlene remarked and Alice's eyes widened, shushing her friend. The Fat Lady was, after all, still in charge of letting them into the tower.

"If you change your mind

I'm the first in line

Honey, I'm still free

Take a chance on me…"

James' voice was suddenly ringing out from beside her and she looked up to see him gazing down at her intently and she felt Marlene swoon from her other side at the sight.

"Take and chance take a chance – take a take a chance chance…" Peter piped in quietly, forming the background vocals. Lily's face blushed hotly, but she daren't look away from James now to chastise him about encouraging his fellow Marauder.

"If you need me, let me know

Gonna be around

If you got no place to go

When you're feeling down…"

Lily felt the jubilation at his song choice well up inside her chest until she was opening her mouth and singing the next verse of ABBA with him; she _adored_ ABBA and he knew it. He grinned hard when he saw her lips poising to join him.

"If you're all alone

When the pretty birds have flown

Honey, I'm still free

Take a chance on me…"

Lily's voice entwined with James' in a sound that made her heart squeeze tightly in her chest. She quickly motioned to Sirius to grab his attention, motioning to her mouth as she sang and pointing at him again.

He should sing, too.

James caught on, continuing to sing with Lily as Sirius and Marlene prepared to jump in, steadying themselves to the beat. Marlene jumped in with James and Lily at the top of the next bar.

"Gonna do my very best

And it ain't no lie

If you put me to the test

If you let me try…"

Sirius, however, had other ideas.

" **You might'a heard I run**

 **With a dangerous crowd**

 **We ain't too pretty**

 **We ain't too proud**

 **We might be laughin' a bit too loud**

 **But that never hurt no o-o-o-one…"**

Everyone was in an uproar over the vocal confusion, laughing but amazed as they continued. Marlene's bangles were jangling rhythmically as she and Peter clapped the overall beat. Sirius continued without missing a beat.

" **So come on, Virginia**

 **Show me a sign…"**

"Take a chance on me…" Lily sang, face flush from happiness.

"That's all I ask of you, honey…" James announced, grinning smugly at her and making her swat his arm lightly.

"Take a chance on me-e-e…"

" **Send up a signal**

 **I'll throw you a line**

 **That stained-glass curtain**

 **You're hidin' behind**

 **Never lets in the su-u-u-un**

 **Darling, only the good die young…"**

"We can go dancing

We can go walking

As long as we're together

Listen to some music

Maybe just talk and

Get to know you better

Cause you know I've got -"

Remus bit his lip and his head nodded slightly to the beat. The furrow between his brows grew deeper for a moment until he opened his mouth and threw in a verse of another song that had heard often over the summer.

" _Cause you're once_

 _Twice_

 _Three times a lady…_ "

" **I tell ya only the good die young**

 **Only the good die young…"**

"Yes!" cried Peter in the middle of the vocal amalgamation. A glance in the Fat Lady's direction revealed that she too was enjoying the impromptu performance, and Lily herself was amazed.

" **You got a nice white dress**

 **And a party on your confirmation-o-o-on!**

 **You got a brand new soul**

 **And a cross of gold…"**

"So much that I want to do

When I dream I'm alone with you

It's ma-a-a-gic!

You want me to leave you there

Afraid of a love affair

But I think you kno-o-o-ow

That I can't let go-o-o-o!"

" _Cause you're once_

 _Twice_

 _Three times a lady_

 _And I lo-o-o-ve you…_ "

" **But, Virginia, they didn't give you**

 **Quite enough informatio-o-on!**

 **You didn't count on me**

 **When you were counting on your rosary**

 **Oh – oh – ohhhh…"**

"If you change your mind

I'm the first in line

Honey, I'm still free

Take a chance on me…"

" **And they say there's a Heaven**

 **For those who will wait**

 **Some say it's better**

 **But I say it ain't**

 **I'd rather laugh with the Sinners**

 **Than cry with the Saints**

 **The Sinners are much more fu-u-u-n**

 **You know that only the good die young…"**

The percussion started to ease as they all remained completely focused on not messing up their parts as they came to a close, trying to find a way through to the moment they could all wrap up.

"If you need me, let me know

Gonna be around

If you got no place to go

When you're feeling down

If you're all alone

When the pretty birds have flown

Honey, I'm still free

Take a chance on me…"

" **O-o-oh, baby, I tell you**

 **Only the good die young**

 **Only the good die young!"**

"Gonna do my very best

And it ain't no lie

If you put me to the test

If you let me try…"

" _Cause you're once_

 _Twice_

 _Three times a lady_

 _And I lo-o-o-ve you…_ "

"Holy shite," James whispered, fixated on Lily with a gobsmacked expression.

"I've just remembered – oh yes, 'horny toad' is the password," the Fat lady remarked breathlessly, beaming.

"Piece of cake," Sirius scoffed, leading the group by hopping through the portrait hole nimbly.

* * *

 **I mean…**

 **Absolute trash. But I'm not sorry.**

 **#AcapellaForLife  
**

 **Heavily inspired by Pitch Perfect and dulce-de-leche-go's Aca-demic Arrangements, a Tomoine college AU that includes acapella battles, coffee shop romance, and frat house shenanigans. Highly recommend.  
**

 **And also a post last year on tumblr – I'm reblogging it now so if you follow me you know what I'm talking about. This was a long time coming.**

 **Thanks for reading my scribbled notes, and leave a review, if only to tell me how ridiculous I am.**

 **xoxo**


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